Our brain functions 24/7 from the instant we’re born. But it stops making sense just from the moment we fall in love.
All said and done, one of the oldest pieces of relationship advice is, “You and your partner should be best friends.” It holds true in the lives of nearly every couple. But the real point to ponder upon here is whether the friendship in the relationship is actually going to survive through it all. Will the dynamism and zeal last till the very end? Will the incorrigible demeanour of your partner be enough to keep the flame of love ignited forever?
According to anthropologist and author of ‘Why We Love’, Helen Fisher, “We are born to love!” That feeling of elation that we call romantic love is deeply embedded in our brains.
But the question is, can it last?
The topic is rather debatable, but truth be told, Love is the most surreal of feelings and in fact has the most impact on our brains and can take the better of the grey matter in our heads , besides playing an influential role in our lives.
The majority of us idealize love
In today’s modern culture, the majority of us idealize love. More often than not, we see it as some lofty cure-all for all of our life’s problems. The movies and our stories and our history, all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the remedy for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, let’s get it straight, we overestimate it.
On one hand, most of the relationships in today’s world last for not more than a year or two, reason being the lack of ability to keep the feeling as fresh as it was on day one. The key to this is keeping the thrill, newness and dynamism alive in the bond. To understand how to sustain long-term romantic love, we need to first comprehend what it means to us on a cellular level.
When monotony takes a toll
When the monotony of routine life takes a toll on our existence on a personal front, it is natural for us to blame our misfortunes on whatever little we have of love. In very simple words, getting work stress home and ending up holding our personal lives responsible for it is an expected response to the anxiety.
What will make a difference then is to think about what brought the two of you together in the first place and then try doing some of those activities together. Spending more time and just each other’s presence can ward off the doubts. It might ignite a spark that had been gone for a while and might help the two remember activities that you used to really enjoy doing together.
If you feel that you’ve entered that phase in your relationship, when you’re bored, it may actually have something more to do with you than your relationship.
See if you are unhappy with yourself
A very wise man once stated, ‘Smart people don’t get bored, they get curious,’ which connects and relates with Zen psychotherapy. “If you’re feeling stagnant, you probably might be unhappy with yourself,” it explains.
In times like these, you need to look inward to see if you are unhappy with yourself and are unintentionally creating a scapegoat in your relationship. If the answer is a yes, then it’s high time you take a break with your loved one and just go ahead and be goofballs.
Be silly. Accept and try to acknowledge the fact that you’re not the only ones in the world who have experienced a rut in the first place.
Doing exciting, novel and challenging things with your partner can invigorate passion and rekindle the fire in the chemistry. So don’t panic! Take the lead, and don’t wait around for him/her to do something about the lowness and the disturbance in your frequencies. Just do something different, and plan an adventure for the two of you.
Do what you did in the beginning of the relationship and there won’t ever be an end!